Equus Got Under My Skin

So yesterday, I was not my Sexy self. I apologize. I am feeling much stronger today, angrier, but stronger and well angry and strong are much more Sexy than weak and kitten-y. (Sorry cat lovers...) And so I bring you the blog you should have gotten yesterday... Equus and what it evoked in me...

So yes, Equus is about horses and sex and religion. What? Yes, that's what I said. And yes, DRad (we are bff's now cause I've totes seen him all nakedy) does get all birthday suited up and run about and leap and act all crazy. All true. But I kind of expected that... What I didn't expect was that I would love this play. That it would get under my skin in a good way, that I would over-relate to the sexual spirit of it. I am a weirdo- no lie, but I am also apparently really, really deviant. (I kind of all ready knew that, but you guys really didn't) O well... another cog on the wheel of getting to know Nikki Illinois.

All the actors were very impressive (DRad in particular), but it wasn't even the performances that got to me... it was this idea of secret, sexual, ritual. Dark, secret, sexual, spiritual... ritual that continued to spin in my head long after tiny Pocket Poppet Potter had left his adoring fans (that's two cute British actors in the last month that I've been within 10 ft of- AWESOME). I have a dark, secret, sexual, spiritual, ritual that I take part in frequently enough. I am not afraid to say it exists in side of me (I won't be sharing what it is, but I make no apologies for it). And this play explores where these weird "fetishes" begin... how they can develop, how they enhance and ultimately (maybe) come to control our sexual pleasures, how we hide it from others, how our religious faiths come into play, how we may become ruled by our passions, and how someone can be driven mad by all of it. I was fascinated because of my own "less than vanilla" sexual tastes. The one scene of DRad riding the horse and riding it until he orgasms was just insane and yet, I got it. I got the perversion and excitement and elation and disgust. I have been there, in the night, riding my own horses in secret... Worshipping my own gods, finding my own pleasure.

Will everyone like this play? No. It is abstract and very religious and if you are made uncomfortable by the idea of a 19 yr old boy leaping around naked and poking out the eyes of horses (abstractly so- not really people), don't go see it ever. It's not for you... and that's fine. But it is for me. I'm not one to judge sexual acts. I'm not one to care. I am one for talking, dissecting, partaking in, and experimenting for the sake of passion and enjoyment. I am a heathen and that's fine with me. I just really enjoyed the idea that this crazy person, this boy who can't help himself, his attraction and sexual pull towards horses (his god, his worship), could and should be envied for his passion and fire and light. And that we try to conquer this out of ourselves... to eradicate those fires because they are somehow "wrong." I disagree... I don't want to lose my fire, my passions, my dark secret sexual rituals. I don't want to be cured of it. Not even for love.

So go away from this with whatever you will about me. (PS: I don't condone bestiality ) I'm curious, that I'm open, maybe I'm immoral, that's fine. In my opinion, sexuality is something to be explored... it's something to be embraced (maybe not with horses) but it's not something to bury inside of yourself. Explore, safely, but explore... figure out your passions and fire. Never let them put your fire out... Never let someone turn a hose on you... that is unless that just gets you hotter and ready to go. Now's the time to find your sexual worship.

So on that note, hey 2 days and some change til Twilight, one of many current weirdo passions of mine. Worship at the alter. (I'm kidding, well only a little)

Answer to Question of the Day:
Honey you say? How do I make it Sexy? O that's easy, I lick it off my hand sometimes. And everyone knows licking anything off of anything else is totes Sexy. Somehow being humorous after my blog above seems tacky. Um, honey... it's yummy.

Question to Whomever:
What's your Sexiest Shoe look like?